U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
