I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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