when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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