my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
