how can u be prego again
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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