a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
