i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
