Already got asked if we're dating
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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