If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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