dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You made out with two different species that night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
