I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
