just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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