DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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