some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
