Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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