uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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