you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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