just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
