K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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