And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
