Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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