Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
