I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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