Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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