Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
