Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
