i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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