I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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