Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
