hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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