Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
