walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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