Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
