O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
