Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sext me about skeletons
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
