forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
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I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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