Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
