Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
