I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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