It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
