I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
They have beer where we have blood.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
