she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
