You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
