who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
