The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
