just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
