can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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