don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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