I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
