She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
