I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
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I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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