eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
