birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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