whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
