I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
