tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
