I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
