I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You did what with his pubic hair?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
