i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
