I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
