i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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