Pants 0. Shit 1.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
